As my short list of regular readers has no doubt noticed, I've been out of blogging circulation for an embarrassingly long time--since Dec. 27th. When I get overwhelmed mentally and emotionally I have no reserve brainpower to invest outside of the bare minimum things that I already have to do on a regular basis. Thus, I have been procrastinating in getting back into the groove of writing on this blog. Please forgive me, but that's the gospel truth of the matter.
Many of you knew my parents, Doyle and Helen Wilson, and know that they have both gone to be with the Lord. My mother died on August 1, 2005, and my dad died on May 26, 2006. On the one hand, quite a bit of time has passed since their deaths. An accusing voice in my head sometimes says, "You should be getting over it by now." That may be true, but the circumstances surrounding their deaths have made grieving and healing slow and difficult.
Moreover, after Dad died I was left with a large project with many different tasks. Those of you who have ever served as executor or trustee of an estate know exactly what I'm talking about. As the trustee for my parents' living trust the responsibility has fallen to me to resolve all of their affairs, including their bills, accounts, investments, properties, vehicles, and the remodel and sale of their house in Vancouver. For those of you who are financially savvy, naturally handy, and who have lots of extra time on your hands this might not sound like a daunting task. However, for a putz like me it's been a rough ride.
The hairiest part of the job has been getting their house remodeled and ready for sale. Besides dropping a pile of money on the project I've spent more hours, days, weeks, and months on the job than I care to confess to. At the beginning I found it hard to even go into the house. I felt like an interloper and I saw my parents everywhere I looked. But after getting over that hump I just found the job to be bigger than I ever dreamed it would be. I now have a new appreciation for home remodelers and people in the construction trades who actually know what they are doing. Even though I farmed out the biggest jobs there was enough left over for me to do that I am incredibly glad to see the project draw to a close.
Finally, this week I finished my part of the job. The house is remodeled inside and out and looks beautiful. It should make someone very happy. The house is now on the market and is in the hands of a very capable realtor who I'm hoping will be able to sell it for us in the near future.
I anticipate that with this job finally finished my stress level will soon be going down and my general attitude will be going up. At least my family hopes so. What's strange though is that I've been living under this stress load for so long I can't quite believe that it is finally over. Of course, there is still much to do before we can close the estate, but the rest is mostly paperwork.
Why am I telling you all this? I have no idea. I'm just writing out loud. I guess the point is that you don't always know what you are capable of until you are called on to do something that is beyond your normal abilities. We don't grow unless we are stretched. Muscles don't build mass and strength unless they are forced into it. Most of us, me included, are naturally lazy. We look for the easy way, the fast way, the painless way to get things done. But sometimes we find ourselves confronted with having to just gut it out, to press on through the pain, stress, fear, etc. and get the job done.
I think I've grown up a little bit by having to do this job. I didn't much like the learning process, but it was probably good for me in some ways. But isn't that how it often works? Most of our personal and spiritual growth occurs during the difficult or unpleasant patches on life's road. All of the big spiritual lessons I've learned along the way have come by getting knots on my head. I'm just glad that God is patient with me and that He doesn't grade on the curve.
I'll try to get back on track and write more often. Thanks for hanging in there with me.