Hello all,
I have long been fascinated with words. In fact, I'm something of a language sleuth and amateur etymologist. By the way, that's etymologist as opposed to "entomologist," which is a person who studies bugs and insects (such as Washington politicians). Etymologists, on the other hand, study word meanings and word origins, and how the form and meaning of words have changed over time.
When I was a kid I didn't care a fig about English or any other language. It was not until my family moved to Guam that I began to pay attention to the Chamorro language because we were living in a Guamanian village and I couldn't understand what anybody was saying at first.
Years later I studied Greek for two years in college plus I took a year of Russian because I was a math major at the time and it was the recommended language for that program. Then in seminary I dove back into Greek and added Hebrew to boot. My fascination with languages really started to grow. Appointed as a missionary to Brazil in 1976, Portuguese became my working language for the next 15 years. Along the way I picked up enough Latin, Spanish, and Italian to be dangerous and to embarrass myself in public.
My son, Chris, who also loves languages, posted the following video clip on Facebook and I thought it was very creative and funny, albeit somewhat coarse in a couple of spots. It's long but I think you will like it. We'll talk more on the other side. Enjoy!
As most of you know, Ramel and I are preparing to move to Ireland as WorldVenture missionaries. Our job description is "Evangelism and Church Planting." Our immediate challenge will be to work with two other WV couples to start a Gospel preaching church in Sligo, the largest town in NW Ireland.
Ireland has two official languages: English and Irish (Gaelic). While nearly everyone in the country speaks English there are still many places where Irish is the heart language. Therefore, we are committed to learn enough Irish to be able to address people in their own language and to show that we value their culture and customs. We've invested $400 in the Rosetta Stone Irish Course and have been studying away, finding it difficult but very interesting. One of the revelations to me has been the number of words that have come into English from the Celtic languages, including Irish. Who knew?
Please pray for us about this language acquisition journey. While Irish is not required to do ministry in Ireland, we believe that it will help open doors in that very traditional region where we will be working. They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks, but I'm betting that they are wrong.
Go raibh maith agat as do chuid paidreacha,
Mike & Ramel
P.S. That means, "Thank you for your prayers."
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Friday, January 25, 2013
Geezers and Gadgets
Hello already,
I'm not even going to try and explain why I haven't written anything on this blog for so long. The explanation and excuses would just bore you. I'm back, and that's all that's important.
When I was a kid the most sophisticated piece of technology in our home was a big cabinet-style Philco radio. Then in the mid-1950's we bought a television set. We lived in Imbler, OR (98 people) at the time and my dad was the pastor of a little country church in Summerville. Every Sunday afternoon a group of folks from our church would come over to our house to watch TV because we were one of the few families in the congregation that owned a set. We'd pull up chairs and pop popcorn and bring out the chips and other munchies. Then everybody would sit down to watch "Gunsmoke" or "Lassie" or "I Love Lucy" or one of the other shows popular at the time.
Believe me, that TV was considered a modern marvel. A small round screen with a black and white picture, yet still it was like magic to us. Jump forward in time... the transistor radio. I remember getting my first one. I could actually carry it around with me and listen to music or ball games or any number of other interesting things. I would often listen to it in my bed at night after I was supposed to be asleep. Sometimes I could pick up far away stations from foreign countries like Texas, or California. That's because of the physical characteristics of AM waves. They travel farther at night. I liked to listen to Wolfman Jack from XERB broadcasting out of Chula Vista, CA. Their transmitter tower was over the border in Mexico so they could use a stronger signal than was allowed by the FCC. It was a real boomer!
All that to point out that I've been around the block a few times and have seen the introduction of a lot of technical gadgetry during my lifetime. And frankly, I'm having a hard time keeping up now. The changes and innovations are just coming too fast. Oh yes, I'm peddling along, trying to keep up a brave face, but this stuff frustrates the daylights out of me. I regularly use 4 different computers, all with different operating systems. I've got 3 email accounts and a smart phone. I'm on Facebook. I was on Orkut and My Space before that. I write two blogs, maintain a website, and have a Twitter account. I'm doing it all. However, sometimes I get frustrated with it all, too.
These gizmos and gadgets are supposed to help us communicate with one another, to stay better connected to family, friends, and coworkers. However, it seems to me that we are becoming more disconnected than ever from other people. Looking at a tiny screen and texting cryptic messages to one another using symbols, acronyms, and abbreviations is not my idea of communication. In fact, it's just one step up from cave-writing, which the Neanderthals perfected long ago.
I'll admit it. I'm a geezer. I'll probably never be fully comfortable with all this gadgetry. But I just want to go on record as saying, just because something is new and shiny and fascinating doesn't mean it is an improvement. Nothing can ever take the place of sitting and talking to a friend over a cup of coffee, or looking into someones eyes as we share life together. Maybe we all ought to take time out for a "technology fast" once in a while, just to remind ourselves of what real interpersonal communication is like.
Seriously, would the world come to a screeching stop if you turned off your smart phone and computer for two or three days? I don't think so. I dare you. Try it. Maybe by reducing the noise and chatter you'll find it easier to hear that "still, small voice" that we all long to hear, but that so often gets drowned out in cacophony of modern living.
An old geezer and proud of it,
Mike
I'm not even going to try and explain why I haven't written anything on this blog for so long. The explanation and excuses would just bore you. I'm back, and that's all that's important.
When I was a kid the most sophisticated piece of technology in our home was a big cabinet-style Philco radio. Then in the mid-1950's we bought a television set. We lived in Imbler, OR (98 people) at the time and my dad was the pastor of a little country church in Summerville. Every Sunday afternoon a group of folks from our church would come over to our house to watch TV because we were one of the few families in the congregation that owned a set. We'd pull up chairs and pop popcorn and bring out the chips and other munchies. Then everybody would sit down to watch "Gunsmoke" or "Lassie" or "I Love Lucy" or one of the other shows popular at the time.
Believe me, that TV was considered a modern marvel. A small round screen with a black and white picture, yet still it was like magic to us. Jump forward in time... the transistor radio. I remember getting my first one. I could actually carry it around with me and listen to music or ball games or any number of other interesting things. I would often listen to it in my bed at night after I was supposed to be asleep. Sometimes I could pick up far away stations from foreign countries like Texas, or California. That's because of the physical characteristics of AM waves. They travel farther at night. I liked to listen to Wolfman Jack from XERB broadcasting out of Chula Vista, CA. Their transmitter tower was over the border in Mexico so they could use a stronger signal than was allowed by the FCC. It was a real boomer!
All that to point out that I've been around the block a few times and have seen the introduction of a lot of technical gadgetry during my lifetime. And frankly, I'm having a hard time keeping up now. The changes and innovations are just coming too fast. Oh yes, I'm peddling along, trying to keep up a brave face, but this stuff frustrates the daylights out of me. I regularly use 4 different computers, all with different operating systems. I've got 3 email accounts and a smart phone. I'm on Facebook. I was on Orkut and My Space before that. I write two blogs, maintain a website, and have a Twitter account. I'm doing it all. However, sometimes I get frustrated with it all, too.
These gizmos and gadgets are supposed to help us communicate with one another, to stay better connected to family, friends, and coworkers. However, it seems to me that we are becoming more disconnected than ever from other people. Looking at a tiny screen and texting cryptic messages to one another using symbols, acronyms, and abbreviations is not my idea of communication. In fact, it's just one step up from cave-writing, which the Neanderthals perfected long ago.
I'll admit it. I'm a geezer. I'll probably never be fully comfortable with all this gadgetry. But I just want to go on record as saying, just because something is new and shiny and fascinating doesn't mean it is an improvement. Nothing can ever take the place of sitting and talking to a friend over a cup of coffee, or looking into someones eyes as we share life together. Maybe we all ought to take time out for a "technology fast" once in a while, just to remind ourselves of what real interpersonal communication is like.
Seriously, would the world come to a screeching stop if you turned off your smart phone and computer for two or three days? I don't think so. I dare you. Try it. Maybe by reducing the noise and chatter you'll find it easier to hear that "still, small voice" that we all long to hear, but that so often gets drowned out in cacophony of modern living.
An old geezer and proud of it,
Mike
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
"Gentlemen?"
Hello crazy people,
I've been AWOL from blogging for awhile. As you've undoubtedly noticed, I sort of run hot and cold. Anyway, don't think that I don't love you just because I don't write very often.
As most of my friends and acquaintances know I love cops. I'm a police chaplain for two different law enforcement agencies. I am pro-cop all day, every day. However, I have a bone to pick with the PIOs (for you newbies that stands for Public Information Officer) who represent the various police agencies when they are called on to explain a situation to the media. Let's say there has been a holdup at a convenience store. The PIO will look into the camera and say something like this: "At 3:15 AM this morning a gentleman wearing a black hoody and red tennis shoes walked into the 7-11 and held up the cashier at gunpoint. He not only shot the man, he also kicked the guy's dog, and keyed his new car on the way out. However, someone called 911 and the gentleman was apprehended two blocks from the scene of the crime. The gentleman is now in the city lockup awaiting his hearing." Gentleman? Really?
Maybe you are thinking, "Mike has finally lost it. He's over the edge." OK, this may not be the most important subject in the world but it bugs me to hear our language misused in this way just for the sake of political correctness. I agree that on the TV News they don't have to say out loud what the guy really is. There might be children present. In reality, a guy who would do such a thing is a low-life, scum-sucking, bottom-dweller with a sloped forehead and no morals. Granted, the PIO probably shouldn't say that. However, he or she also doesn't have to go the other way and call the cretin a "gentleman." That's just PC out-of-control. Call the guy a "suspect" if you want, but please, don't call him a gentleman.
If you look up the word "gentleman" in the dictionary you will discover that it originally meant a man born into a family of high social standing with large land-holdings who because of his independent means did not need to work for a living. It also came to mean a courteous, gracious man with a strong sense of honor. Today, however, the word can apparently be used to describe any homo sapien with male gonads, regardless of how worthless he might be. That just burns my bacon.
However, it goes right along with the trend in our society of changing the definitions or using euphemisms to avoid telling the truth. After all, we wouldn't want to make anyone feel bad or diminish his/her self-esteem in any way. For example, there is a whole long list of words we're not allowed to use anymore to describe human deficiencies and defects. We want to make everyone feel like a winner, even if he's never accomplished anything, so we give prizes for participation. We don't keep score because then we'd have to say that one team won and the other team lost.
Even in many churches preachers avoid ever using the "S" word. They'll say that we should admit our mistakes, acknowledge our lapses in judgment, and own up to our less than perfect choices. However to come right out and say that we are all worthless "S'ers" in God's eyes? No sir, we wouldn't want to offend anyone, in spite of the fact that the Bible clearly says that "All have S'ed and fallen short of the glory of God." And it also says, "The wages of S is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life." So even though the Bible declares that we are all gentlemen S'ers we'll just keep that our little secret because we don't want to sound judgmental and narrow-minded and turn folks off.
GENTLEMEN, my foot! We need to tell the truth, the whole truth, whether people like it or not.
Mike
I've been AWOL from blogging for awhile. As you've undoubtedly noticed, I sort of run hot and cold. Anyway, don't think that I don't love you just because I don't write very often.
As most of my friends and acquaintances know I love cops. I'm a police chaplain for two different law enforcement agencies. I am pro-cop all day, every day. However, I have a bone to pick with the PIOs (for you newbies that stands for Public Information Officer) who represent the various police agencies when they are called on to explain a situation to the media. Let's say there has been a holdup at a convenience store. The PIO will look into the camera and say something like this: "At 3:15 AM this morning a gentleman wearing a black hoody and red tennis shoes walked into the 7-11 and held up the cashier at gunpoint. He not only shot the man, he also kicked the guy's dog, and keyed his new car on the way out. However, someone called 911 and the gentleman was apprehended two blocks from the scene of the crime. The gentleman is now in the city lockup awaiting his hearing." Gentleman? Really?
Maybe you are thinking, "Mike has finally lost it. He's over the edge." OK, this may not be the most important subject in the world but it bugs me to hear our language misused in this way just for the sake of political correctness. I agree that on the TV News they don't have to say out loud what the guy really is. There might be children present. In reality, a guy who would do such a thing is a low-life, scum-sucking, bottom-dweller with a sloped forehead and no morals. Granted, the PIO probably shouldn't say that. However, he or she also doesn't have to go the other way and call the cretin a "gentleman." That's just PC out-of-control. Call the guy a "suspect" if you want, but please, don't call him a gentleman.
If you look up the word "gentleman" in the dictionary you will discover that it originally meant a man born into a family of high social standing with large land-holdings who because of his independent means did not need to work for a living. It also came to mean a courteous, gracious man with a strong sense of honor. Today, however, the word can apparently be used to describe any homo sapien with male gonads, regardless of how worthless he might be. That just burns my bacon.
However, it goes right along with the trend in our society of changing the definitions or using euphemisms to avoid telling the truth. After all, we wouldn't want to make anyone feel bad or diminish his/her self-esteem in any way. For example, there is a whole long list of words we're not allowed to use anymore to describe human deficiencies and defects. We want to make everyone feel like a winner, even if he's never accomplished anything, so we give prizes for participation. We don't keep score because then we'd have to say that one team won and the other team lost.
Even in many churches preachers avoid ever using the "S" word. They'll say that we should admit our mistakes, acknowledge our lapses in judgment, and own up to our less than perfect choices. However to come right out and say that we are all worthless "S'ers" in God's eyes? No sir, we wouldn't want to offend anyone, in spite of the fact that the Bible clearly says that "All have S'ed and fallen short of the glory of God." And it also says, "The wages of S is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life." So even though the Bible declares that we are all gentlemen S'ers we'll just keep that our little secret because we don't want to sound judgmental and narrow-minded and turn folks off.
GENTLEMEN, my foot! We need to tell the truth, the whole truth, whether people like it or not.
Mike
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
More Wacko Interfaith Stuff
Hello my friends,
This video exemplifies what I was talking about in my last post. This is a promotional video put out by The New Seminary, a strange collection of religious fruits and nuts, in my opinion. The only way to put Jews, Catholics, Protestants, New-Agers, Buddhists, Hindus, and Native American Shamans together is if nobody believes in absolute truth. Where it gets messy is when somebody brings up the fact that Jesus declared: "I am THE WAY, and THE TRUTH, and THE LIFE. No one comes to the Father but through Me." Religion per se has no answers, only questions. The answers are only found in Christ. Again, I'm posting this video to show what's wrong with ecumenism, not to promote it.
More convinced than ever that Jesus is the only way,
Mike
This video exemplifies what I was talking about in my last post. This is a promotional video put out by The New Seminary, a strange collection of religious fruits and nuts, in my opinion. The only way to put Jews, Catholics, Protestants, New-Agers, Buddhists, Hindus, and Native American Shamans together is if nobody believes in absolute truth. Where it gets messy is when somebody brings up the fact that Jesus declared: "I am THE WAY, and THE TRUTH, and THE LIFE. No one comes to the Father but through Me." Religion per se has no answers, only questions. The answers are only found in Christ. Again, I'm posting this video to show what's wrong with ecumenism, not to promote it.
More convinced than ever that Jesus is the only way,
Mike
Sunday, August 21, 2011
"The Faith Community"
Hello people,
I received a letter a few days ago from EMO, the Ecumenical Ministries of Oregon. I still haven't figured out how I ended up on their mailing list unless they just send their stuff to every church in the phone book. They write to me periodically, trying to get me to attend a meeting or march in some parade or give money to some cause. And don't get me wrong, most of them are probably nice, polite, well-intentioned people and I'm sure they do some good things. However, I'm not about to get involved with a group that brings together every possible stripe of liberal protestants, Roman Catholics, and openly homosexual churches into one big ecumenical stew pot. Then to give more flavor they spice up the mix by adding in what they call "Interfaith Partners" including Jews, Muslims, Unitarian-Universalists, New-Agers, Zen Buddhists and a bunch of others.
However, what I'm reacting to today is their constant reference to ministers as "those of us in the faith community." I hate that phrase! It means absolutely nothing. What is the "faith community" for crying out loud?
Think about it. Isn't everyone in the "faith community"? We all exercise faith, every day, many times a day. We are all big into faith! When I get in my car and turn the key I have faith that it will start and get me where I need to go. When I sit down in my desk chair I have faith that it will hold me up without crashing to the floor. When I eat my wife's cooking I have faith that she hasn't spiked my food with antifreeze. The truth is we all have lots of faith--in something or other.
Moreover, being part of the "faith community" isn't a question of the quality of our faith. Some people are more religiously devout than others. They will cheerfully walk over broken glass to win the favor of their "god" and sincerely believe that it will make a difference. Some have the faith to believe that their "higher power" will hear them if they fast, meditate, self-mutilate, and do penance. They've got sincere faith to spare!
However, if you place your faith in something that is unworthy, it matters not how much faith you have, or how sincere your faith might be, you will still lose. For example, if I go to the horse races and put my whole August paycheck on EggSalad to win I am exercising faith. That puts me in the "faith community." I may believe with all my heart that EggSalad is the best horse out there--my faith is strong and sincere. However, I don't have all the facts. Maybe EggSalad ate some bad oats yesterday and was up all night. Maybe he's just having an off day. Now when he comes in 7th instead of 1st who am I going to blame? Was there a problem with the quantity of my faith? NO! I had gobs of faith. Was there a problem with the quality of my faith? Again, NO! I truly believed that EggSalad would win it. The problem was with the OBJECT of my faith. I just bet on the wrong horse.
To get back to EMO and the "faith community" thing... There are nice people running around all over the place calling themselves "Christians" who by their teaching and practices deny the very One they claim to know, love, and serve. Think about it-- I can claim to be a mallard duck. However, if I don't have a big orange beak, shiny colorful feathers, webbed-feet and a girlfriend who lays eggs then I'm probably not a real mallard. Likewise, if I claim to know Jesus, to be a Jesus-follower, and yet I have none of the personal character traits of Jesus, I don't do Jesus things, I don't like to hang out with Jesus people, and I don't produce any Jesus type fruit and good works, then I'm probably fooling myself.
Betting on Jesus,
I received a letter a few days ago from EMO, the Ecumenical Ministries of Oregon. I still haven't figured out how I ended up on their mailing list unless they just send their stuff to every church in the phone book. They write to me periodically, trying to get me to attend a meeting or march in some parade or give money to some cause. And don't get me wrong, most of them are probably nice, polite, well-intentioned people and I'm sure they do some good things. However, I'm not about to get involved with a group that brings together every possible stripe of liberal protestants, Roman Catholics, and openly homosexual churches into one big ecumenical stew pot. Then to give more flavor they spice up the mix by adding in what they call "Interfaith Partners" including Jews, Muslims, Unitarian-Universalists, New-Agers, Zen Buddhists and a bunch of others.
However, what I'm reacting to today is their constant reference to ministers as "those of us in the faith community." I hate that phrase! It means absolutely nothing. What is the "faith community" for crying out loud?
Think about it. Isn't everyone in the "faith community"? We all exercise faith, every day, many times a day. We are all big into faith! When I get in my car and turn the key I have faith that it will start and get me where I need to go. When I sit down in my desk chair I have faith that it will hold me up without crashing to the floor. When I eat my wife's cooking I have faith that she hasn't spiked my food with antifreeze. The truth is we all have lots of faith--in something or other.
Moreover, being part of the "faith community" isn't a question of the quality of our faith. Some people are more religiously devout than others. They will cheerfully walk over broken glass to win the favor of their "god" and sincerely believe that it will make a difference. Some have the faith to believe that their "higher power" will hear them if they fast, meditate, self-mutilate, and do penance. They've got sincere faith to spare!
However, if you place your faith in something that is unworthy, it matters not how much faith you have, or how sincere your faith might be, you will still lose. For example, if I go to the horse races and put my whole August paycheck on EggSalad to win I am exercising faith. That puts me in the "faith community." I may believe with all my heart that EggSalad is the best horse out there--my faith is strong and sincere. However, I don't have all the facts. Maybe EggSalad ate some bad oats yesterday and was up all night. Maybe he's just having an off day. Now when he comes in 7th instead of 1st who am I going to blame? Was there a problem with the quantity of my faith? NO! I had gobs of faith. Was there a problem with the quality of my faith? Again, NO! I truly believed that EggSalad would win it. The problem was with the OBJECT of my faith. I just bet on the wrong horse.
To get back to EMO and the "faith community" thing... There are nice people running around all over the place calling themselves "Christians" who by their teaching and practices deny the very One they claim to know, love, and serve. Think about it-- I can claim to be a mallard duck. However, if I don't have a big orange beak, shiny colorful feathers, webbed-feet and a girlfriend who lays eggs then I'm probably not a real mallard. Likewise, if I claim to know Jesus, to be a Jesus-follower, and yet I have none of the personal character traits of Jesus, I don't do Jesus things, I don't like to hang out with Jesus people, and I don't produce any Jesus type fruit and good works, then I'm probably fooling myself.
Betting on Jesus,
Mike
Friday, August 12, 2011
Little Trees With Big Plans
Hello my crazy friends,
On Monday of this week I stayed home and worked in the yard--mowing, weeding, edging, that whole bit. In the front yard, right in front of our main picture window looking out onto Thiessen Ave. is a small weeping-willow tree of some sort. The trunk is about 7-8 inches in diameter and it stands about 6 feet tall. It's a cute little tree and the little sparrows love to sit in its branches and torment our two cats. However, every year I have to prune the darn thing back because it has visions of grandeur. It wants to be a giant tree. However, I want it to stay small and low to the ground so that it doesn't block our view out that window. I want the tree to look like an umbrella with the branches going out and down. The little tree, on the other hand, wants to grow up and outward, reaching for the sky and taking over the whole front yard. It's not content to be what I want it to be.
Moreover, the little tree is sneaky. It sends out these skinny branches from the top reaching upward. Sometimes I don't notice for a while. But eventually I realize that the little guy is at it again, trying to make like a giant oak or a noble sequoia. On Monday, once again, I whacked the little guy back down to size and told him to knock it off. I don't want him to grow into a mighty tree. I like him the way he is and I'm the one in charge, not him.
That one-sided conversation started me thinking. I'm a lot like that little tree. I have my plans. I have a vision of what my life should be like. I want to be bigger, more noticed, more well-known. I want to pastor a bigger church. I want to have a more influential ministry. I want to preach to bigger crowds and make a bigger impact in my community. But every once in a while God has to say, "Settle down, Mike. I didn't make you for that. I made you for this. I like you this size. I want you to be a healthy, beautiful tree where I have planted you. It's not about your size. It's about My plans for you."
Sometimes I chaff under that. I look out and see some bigger trees around me and I want to be like them. When I compare myself to others I feel like a failure because I'm not bigger.
But that's the problem, isn't it? We have no business comparing ourselves to others. That is an inappropriate and inaccurate standard of measure. There is only one Person we need to please, and that is our Lord and Master, Jesus. His plan is perfect and it is beautifully form-fit and unique for each of us.
If we can just learn to rest in God's love and be content with His approval our stress level will go down significantly. The little tree in our front yard is stubborn though, and I'll probably have to have "the talk" with him again next year because he tends to forget what I tell him. And probably, the Lord will have to remind me of these things again, too, because I also have a short memory.
Trying to be content to be a little tree,
Mike
On Monday of this week I stayed home and worked in the yard--mowing, weeding, edging, that whole bit. In the front yard, right in front of our main picture window looking out onto Thiessen Ave. is a small weeping-willow tree of some sort. The trunk is about 7-8 inches in diameter and it stands about 6 feet tall. It's a cute little tree and the little sparrows love to sit in its branches and torment our two cats. However, every year I have to prune the darn thing back because it has visions of grandeur. It wants to be a giant tree. However, I want it to stay small and low to the ground so that it doesn't block our view out that window. I want the tree to look like an umbrella with the branches going out and down. The little tree, on the other hand, wants to grow up and outward, reaching for the sky and taking over the whole front yard. It's not content to be what I want it to be.
Moreover, the little tree is sneaky. It sends out these skinny branches from the top reaching upward. Sometimes I don't notice for a while. But eventually I realize that the little guy is at it again, trying to make like a giant oak or a noble sequoia. On Monday, once again, I whacked the little guy back down to size and told him to knock it off. I don't want him to grow into a mighty tree. I like him the way he is and I'm the one in charge, not him.
That one-sided conversation started me thinking. I'm a lot like that little tree. I have my plans. I have a vision of what my life should be like. I want to be bigger, more noticed, more well-known. I want to pastor a bigger church. I want to have a more influential ministry. I want to preach to bigger crowds and make a bigger impact in my community. But every once in a while God has to say, "Settle down, Mike. I didn't make you for that. I made you for this. I like you this size. I want you to be a healthy, beautiful tree where I have planted you. It's not about your size. It's about My plans for you."
Sometimes I chaff under that. I look out and see some bigger trees around me and I want to be like them. When I compare myself to others I feel like a failure because I'm not bigger.
But that's the problem, isn't it? We have no business comparing ourselves to others. That is an inappropriate and inaccurate standard of measure. There is only one Person we need to please, and that is our Lord and Master, Jesus. His plan is perfect and it is beautifully form-fit and unique for each of us.
If we can just learn to rest in God's love and be content with His approval our stress level will go down significantly. The little tree in our front yard is stubborn though, and I'll probably have to have "the talk" with him again next year because he tends to forget what I tell him. And probably, the Lord will have to remind me of these things again, too, because I also have a short memory.
Trying to be content to be a little tree,
Mike
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Texan?
Hello you crazy people,
I haven't written anything here for a long time. My inspiration and creativity have been running low, and so has my spare time, but I plan to resume writing once in a while. I have several articles going, in various stages of completion and will post them soon. In the meanwhile, I offer you the following story that my daughter-in-law, Sharon, sent me. This little charmer poses the question, "Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Texan?" I hope you find it as amusing as I did.
Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found in your response to the following scenario:
You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Kimber 1911 .45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? Think carefully.
________________________________________
The Democrat’s Answer:
“Well, really that’s not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the pistol have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a “paint-and-weed day” and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.”
________________________________________
The Republican’s Answer:
BANG!
________________________________________
The Texan’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click...... (Followed by sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click.
Daughter says: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silvertips we bought, or just the regular hollow-points?”
Son: “Dad, can I shoot the next one?”
Wife: “Listen to me now, Buford, you ain’t taking that to the taxidermist! You hear?”
Oh yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about. You've just gotta love those down-home fellers. They know how to take care of business.
Mike
I haven't written anything here for a long time. My inspiration and creativity have been running low, and so has my spare time, but I plan to resume writing once in a while. I have several articles going, in various stages of completion and will post them soon. In the meanwhile, I offer you the following story that my daughter-in-law, Sharon, sent me. This little charmer poses the question, "Are you a Democrat, a Republican, or a Texan?" I hope you find it as amusing as I did.
Here is a little test that will help you decide. The answer can be found in your response to the following scenario:
You are walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, an Islamic terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, praises Allah, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Kimber 1911 .45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do? Think carefully.
________________________________________
The Democrat’s Answer:
“Well, really that’s not enough information to answer the question! Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the pistol have an appropriate safety built into it? Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he’d be happy with just killing me? Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1? Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a “paint-and-weed day” and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior. This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.”
________________________________________
The Republican’s Answer:
BANG!
________________________________________
The Texan’s Answer:
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click...... (Followed by sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click.
Daughter says: “Nice grouping, Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silvertips we bought, or just the regular hollow-points?”
Son: “Dad, can I shoot the next one?”
Wife: “Listen to me now, Buford, you ain’t taking that to the taxidermist! You hear?”
Oh yeah, that's what I'm talkin' about. You've just gotta love those down-home fellers. They know how to take care of business.
Mike
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
Proofreading: A Dying Art
Hello, my slightly deranged friends,
Check out these riveting headlines, taken from the pages of some of the world’s most prestigious newspapers, along with a reader’s logical comments. Somebody sent these to my wife. I thought they were funny. Maybe you will too.
Check out these riveting headlines, taken from the pages of some of the world’s most prestigious newspapers, along with a reader’s logical comments. Somebody sent these to my wife. I thought they were funny. Maybe you will too.
MAN KILLS SELF BEFORE SHOOTING WIFE AND DAUGHTER
(OK, I give up. How did he do that?)
SOMETHING WENT WRONG IN JET CRASH, EXPERT SAYS
(No, really? Ya think?)
POLICE BEGIN CAMPAIGN TO RUN DOWN JAYWALKERS
(Now that's taking things a bit far!)
PANDA MATING FAILS; VETERINARIAN TAKES OVER
(What a guy!)
MINERS REFUSE TO WORK AFTER DEATH
(Those no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-so's!)
JUVENILE COURT TO TRY SHOOTING DEFENDANT
(Let’s see if that works any better than a fair trial!)
WAR DIMS HOPE FOR PEACE
(I can see where it might have that effect!)
IF STRIKE ISN'T SETTLED QUICKLY IT MAY LAST A WHILE
(Ya think?!)
COLD WAVE LINKED TO TEMPERATURES
(Who would have thought!)
ENFIELD COUPLE SLAIN; POLICE SUSPECT HOMICIDE
(They may be on to something!)
RED TAPE HOLDS UP NEW BRIDGES
(You mean there's something stronger than duct tape?)
MAN STRUCK BY LIGHTNING FACES BATTERY CHARGE
(He probably IS the battery charge!)
NEW STUDY OF OBESITY LOOKS FOR LARGER TEST GROUP
(Weren't the other guys fat enough?!)
ASTRONAUT TAKES BLAME FOR GAS IN SPACECRAFT
(That's what he gets for eating those beans!)
KIDS MAKE NUTRITIOUS SNACKS
(Do they taste like chicken?)
LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL DROPOUTS CUT IN HALF
(The Chainsaw Massacre all over again!)
HOSPITALS ARE SUED BY 7 FOOT DOCTORS
(Boy, are they tall!)
And the winner is...
TYPHOON RIPS THROUGH CEMETERY; HUNDREDS DEAD
(Did I read that right?)
Beijos e abraços, (In Portuguese = kisses and hugs)
Mike
Beijos e abraços, (In Portuguese = kisses and hugs)
Mike
Monday, March 22, 2010
Ray Stevens Lives! - "We The People"
Hello crazy friends, near and far,
I have been a big Ray Stevens fan for a long time. He had me the minute I laid ears on that great classic song, "Ahab, the Arab, the sheik of the burnin' sands..." I remember years ago when we lived in Brazil and used to travel long distances by car. We would play Ray Stevens tapes to keep our kids occupied. As a result, to this day they can repeat every word and sing every tune of every one of those crazy songs. I think it may have warped their minds but you'll have to check with them and decide for yourself.
I recently came across this song by Ray and it made me laugh out loud. Moreover, it pretty much sums up my feelings about the recent health-care bill debacle. But regardless of your political leanings, this will make you chuckle. Guaranteed.
Signing off for now,
Mike
I have been a big Ray Stevens fan for a long time. He had me the minute I laid ears on that great classic song, "Ahab, the Arab, the sheik of the burnin' sands..." I remember years ago when we lived in Brazil and used to travel long distances by car. We would play Ray Stevens tapes to keep our kids occupied. As a result, to this day they can repeat every word and sing every tune of every one of those crazy songs. I think it may have warped their minds but you'll have to check with them and decide for yourself.
I recently came across this song by Ray and it made me laugh out loud. Moreover, it pretty much sums up my feelings about the recent health-care bill debacle. But regardless of your political leanings, this will make you chuckle. Guaranteed.
Signing off for now,
Mike
Monday, February 22, 2010
Out of the Silence
Hello, my crazy friends and relatives,
You probably thought that I'd given up blogging all together. No, but I've been busy and haven't had anything profound to say. However, my sense of guilt has once again driven me back to the keyboard so here I am. I must confess to you that I still don't have much to say but why should I let that hold me back? Right? It sure never stops the politicians, so why should it stop me?
I'm like a pressure cooker. Stuff happens and I sit around thinking about it. The pressure builds and the mental juices start flowing and eventually I feel ready to comment. Sometimes what escapes turns out just to be gas or hot air. Other times it's something witty or helpful. The latter is what I'm always hoping for, of course.
So in the meantime, while the pressure is building and I'm thinking of something of witty to say, I'm including an old video clip of Flip Wilson, one of my favorite funny men. I hope you like it.
I'll write again soon. I have some things in draft form that I'll share with you as soon as I get them polished just a little bit more. Thanks for checking in here once in a while and I especially thank those of you who occasionally comment on something I've put up. That encourages me to do better and to keep it up.
Mike
You probably thought that I'd given up blogging all together. No, but I've been busy and haven't had anything profound to say. However, my sense of guilt has once again driven me back to the keyboard so here I am. I must confess to you that I still don't have much to say but why should I let that hold me back? Right? It sure never stops the politicians, so why should it stop me?
I'm like a pressure cooker. Stuff happens and I sit around thinking about it. The pressure builds and the mental juices start flowing and eventually I feel ready to comment. Sometimes what escapes turns out just to be gas or hot air. Other times it's something witty or helpful. The latter is what I'm always hoping for, of course.
So in the meantime, while the pressure is building and I'm thinking of something of witty to say, I'm including an old video clip of Flip Wilson, one of my favorite funny men. I hope you like it.
I'll write again soon. I have some things in draft form that I'll share with you as soon as I get them polished just a little bit more. Thanks for checking in here once in a while and I especially thank those of you who occasionally comment on something I've put up. That encourages me to do better and to keep it up.
Mike
Friday, January 15, 2010
Equal Time for the Ladies
Hail, all ye who read this rag,
I'm back, like a bad rash. I wrote an article back in December entitled "So where do you draw the line?" Check it out. Since then, however, several people have remarked that it was unfair to the women, leaving them out of the discussion entirely. They said that my article was written totally from a man's viewpoint. Duh! OK. So what's your point? I'm a man. That's the only viewpoint I have from which to write. Besides, I was speaking specifically to the problem of what to call old men. Everyone already knows what to call old ladies--"Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am. Whatever you say, ma'am."
OK, so here I take up the challenge to list some of the terms used to classify elderly persons of the feminine persuasion. At first I had hoped to get some definitions for the terms and also to be able to put them in some sort of prioritized listing but that didn't work out. There doesn't seem to be any order to the list. I want you all to know, however, that I take up this topic at some personal risk to life and limb. I happen to live with a little ol' lady that can still knock me out with one punch, so I have to be careful. If she reads this she'll beat me like a rented mule. The woman has no sense of humor whatsoever. Just jokin', honey!
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, names to describe old women... I've compiled a partial list of names that come easily to mind. Consider the following:
By the way, a friend of my wife sent us an email with the following list of "13 Things PMS Stands For." I'm just passin' it on.
Walking softly but laughin' like crazy,
Mike
I'm back, like a bad rash. I wrote an article back in December entitled "So where do you draw the line?" Check it out. Since then, however, several people have remarked that it was unfair to the women, leaving them out of the discussion entirely. They said that my article was written totally from a man's viewpoint. Duh! OK. So what's your point? I'm a man. That's the only viewpoint I have from which to write. Besides, I was speaking specifically to the problem of what to call old men. Everyone already knows what to call old ladies--"Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am. Whatever you say, ma'am."
OK, so here I take up the challenge to list some of the terms used to classify elderly persons of the feminine persuasion. At first I had hoped to get some definitions for the terms and also to be able to put them in some sort of prioritized listing but that didn't work out. There doesn't seem to be any order to the list. I want you all to know, however, that I take up this topic at some personal risk to life and limb. I happen to live with a little ol' lady that can still knock me out with one punch, so I have to be careful. If she reads this she'll beat me like a rented mule. The woman has no sense of humor whatsoever. Just jokin', honey!
Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, names to describe old women... I've compiled a partial list of names that come easily to mind. Consider the following:
- old hag
- biddy
- battle-ax
- crone
- fishwife
- ol' gray mare
- fussbudget
- witch
- fusspot
- old bat
- dowager
- matron
- old bird
- old bag
- coffin dodger
- blue haired granny
By the way, a friend of my wife sent us an email with the following list of "13 Things PMS Stands For." I'm just passin' it on.
- Pass My Shotgun
- Psychotic Mood Shift
- Perpetual Munching Spree
- Puffy Mid-Section
- People Make me Sick
- Provide Me Sweets
- Pardon My Sobbing
- Pimples May Surface
- Pass My Sweatpants
- Pissy Mood Syndrome
- Plainly Men Suck
- Pack My Stuff
- Potential Murder Suspect
Walking softly but laughin' like crazy,
Mike
Sunday, January 10, 2010
My Second Claim to Fame
Hello all you little crazy people,
Years ago my wife and I were active in a teaching/preaching/musical missionary ministry that took us to lots of interesting places. Our two little sons, Jonathan and Christopher, went almost everywhere with us. People would pinch their pudgy pink cheeks and say, "How cute. So you are Pastor Mike's little boy!" In other words, they were defined by who they were related to, by being my sons.
Skip forward a bunch of years. Now I go to a party or some event and people pinch my cute pudgy cheeks and say, "So you are Chris' dad," or "You are Jon's dad." The shoe is on the other foot. Now I am defined by being somebody's Old Man.
Since Chris became a pro-fighter I get that a lot. He is my biggest claim to fame anymore. I am Chris "The Professor" Wilson's dad.
Recently I was reminded again that I have a second claim to fame. My personal physician is a famous dude who was recently on "FOX and FRIENDS" on Fox News and has a hot new single entitled "Freedom, Family, and Faith" playing on the country stations.
His name is Rick Jackson (Ricky Lee Jackson) and he has been my doctor for umpteen years. He's a committed Christian and a political conservative, not to mention his being a good musician. He also happens to be the father of three pretty famous kids: his two sons, Jonathan and Richard are both well-known Hollywood actors; his daughter, Candice, is a published author.
If you want to read more about Rick and what he stands for check out his website at http://www.freedomfamilyandfaith.com
Living on secondhand fame,
Mike
Years ago my wife and I were active in a teaching/preaching/musical missionary ministry that took us to lots of interesting places. Our two little sons, Jonathan and Christopher, went almost everywhere with us. People would pinch their pudgy pink cheeks and say, "How cute. So you are Pastor Mike's little boy!" In other words, they were defined by who they were related to, by being my sons.
Skip forward a bunch of years. Now I go to a party or some event and people pinch my cute pudgy cheeks and say, "So you are Chris' dad," or "You are Jon's dad." The shoe is on the other foot. Now I am defined by being somebody's Old Man.
Since Chris became a pro-fighter I get that a lot. He is my biggest claim to fame anymore. I am Chris "The Professor" Wilson's dad.
Recently I was reminded again that I have a second claim to fame. My personal physician is a famous dude who was recently on "FOX and FRIENDS" on Fox News and has a hot new single entitled "Freedom, Family, and Faith" playing on the country stations.
His name is Rick Jackson (Ricky Lee Jackson) and he has been my doctor for umpteen years. He's a committed Christian and a political conservative, not to mention his being a good musician. He also happens to be the father of three pretty famous kids: his two sons, Jonathan and Richard are both well-known Hollywood actors; his daughter, Candice, is a published author.
If you want to read more about Rick and what he stands for check out his website at http://www.freedomfamilyandfaith.com
Living on secondhand fame,
Mike
Monday, December 28, 2009
And you thought I was crazy...
Hello my friends,
Well, it's happened. I've finally run across someone more nuts than moi. I've done a few stupid things in my time but I make a concerted effort not to risk my life for cheap thrills. (With the exception of that skydiving thing a while back.) I came across this video of a car stunt that caught my attention. I hope you enjoy it.
That's it. No spiritual lessons. No moral to the story. It is what it is. Tchau for today. I have to go take down a Christmas tree.
Loopy, but at least not doing loop-da-loops,
Mike
Well, it's happened. I've finally run across someone more nuts than moi. I've done a few stupid things in my time but I make a concerted effort not to risk my life for cheap thrills. (With the exception of that skydiving thing a while back.) I came across this video of a car stunt that caught my attention. I hope you enjoy it.
That's it. No spiritual lessons. No moral to the story. It is what it is. Tchau for today. I have to go take down a Christmas tree.
Loopy, but at least not doing loop-da-loops,
Mike
Friday, December 18, 2009
Anthropogenic Global Warming? Oh really?
Bom dia my twisted friends,
My taste in funny people is very eclectic. I like a lot of the old-time comedians like Danny Kaye, Milton Berle, Jack Benny, and George Gobel. And people like Flip Wilson, Red Skelton, Lucille Ball, and Carol Burnett never fail to make me laugh. The Bible says, "A merry heart doeth good like a medicine; but a broken spirit drieth the bones." Comedy, if well used, is both a powerful communication tool and a source of much joy and laughter.
Most of you are familiar with Dennis Miller. He had his own show on HBO for quite a while, and now he appears regularly on Bill O'Reilly's show on FOX. For me he falls into the same category as two other modern comedians that I like a lot; namely, Tim Allen and Robin Williams. All three are comedic geniuses. However, all three of them cheapen their craft by using filthy language and sexual humor in their standup shows. I refuse to watch them in those settings. However, if you put them into a show or a venue where they have to keep it clean all three have the ability to split your sides.
Anyway, I digress... what I started out to say is that I found a clip of Dennis Miller that you just have to see. He is discussing Global Warming and man's part in it. In light of the recent Copenhagen Conference I thought it appropriate to stick my oar in the water on this subject. Al Gore and his ilk believe religiously in anthropogenic global warming. Put simply that means that the world is heating up and it is all man's fault. Wikipedia, the online encyclopedia and caretaker of all truth that is truly true defines anthropogenic in this way: "Anthropogenic effects, processes or materials are those that are derived from human activities, as opposed to those occurring in biophysical environments without human influence."
In this clip from FOX's "Half-Hour News Show" Dennis Miller takes on this premise and shows it for what it really is--utter stupidity. Enjoy!
I know that some of you more politically correct yet painfully naive people might be disillusioned now that you know where I stand on so-called Global Warming. Sorry about that, but I calls 'em like I sees 'em, and I believe that 99.9% of the politically motivated global warming hysteria is total nonsense with little to no legitimate science to back it up. Earth's climatological changes can be tied directly to the sun's activities. Man's puny input is statistically insignificant.
Give yourself a thrill and do a Google search of "global cooling predictions" and just see what pops up. Poke around for a while and you'll be surprised how much reputable science there is on the other side of the debate. Meanwhile, our elected leaders run around trying to fix something that ain't broken and are willing to bankrupt the country to do it. That's what I call insanity!
Laughing all the way, (to keep from crying)
Mike
Saturday, December 5, 2009
So Where Do You Draw the Line?
Hello my equally demented amigos.
Recently one of my friends celebrated a birthday. On that occasion he remarked, "Yep. I've now crossed over from being just an old codger to officially being an old coot."
His remark started me thinking. Just where are the lines that determine what we should call people? Specifically, how do you know if a guy is a codger, a coot, a geezer, or just an ol' fart? Where are the lines of demarcation? At what age do you move from one to the other? These kind of questions keep me up at night.
At the front end of human existence it is somewhat easier to sort out. We are born and for the first little while we are referred to as "the baby" or "the infant," as in "Shut up and quit playing those bongo drums or you're going to wake up THE BABY!" That's the first stage. Babies just lay there doing nothing, looking like ugly little pink prunes for the first few weeks. Eventually they become "cuddlers." That's when they start to have some personality of their own and like to cuddle on your lap and play with your nose or rip off your glasses. The other name for them at this stage is "rug rats," as in, "Hey lady, your RUG RAT is chewing on my pants cuff again."
The next stage is "toddler." That comes when the little booger figures out how to pull himself up by holding on to something then lets go and "toddles" across the floor, much to the joy and amazement of his parents, grandparents, family friends, etc. The "toddler" stage lasts until the little guy really gets it up and moving. At that point he becomes just a "little kid." This stage lasts for quite a while, several years. In fact, it goes up until the "kid" hits 13. At that point he crosses the line into what will define him for the next 7 years--he's a "teenager." But there's no problem there. You at least know what to call him, and you have a good explanation for the insanity that he starts to exhibit. You say to your wife, "Well, what do you expect, Mildred? He's just a gol-darn TEENAGER and he acts just like your brother, Rudy, used to."
After 19 comes 20. You're no longer a "teenager" but you're also not yet an "adult." It's a weird age. You can be drafted into a war and sent off to die in a country whose name you can't pronounce but you can't go to the tavern to drown your sorrows. It's like the Twilight Zone for a year there. But then you turn 21 and are officially a full-blown, no-holds-barred "adult," and you stay that way for many years. Now I must stop for just a minute to take up term that has never been closely defined. One will occasionally hear the title "young buck" used to refer to guys anywhere between 19 and about 28 but the lines are fuzzy on both ends of the thing. I personally think that more research needs to be done to nail this thing down so that we don't use the term incorrectly.
"Adulthood" goes on interminably--through your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, and your 50s. Everything is the same, year after endless year. Oh sure, in your late 50s you start to lose hair on your head and gain it in your ears, eyebrows, and nostrils but other than that things stay pretty much the same. But then you hit 60. POW! That's when it hits you--"I'm getting really old."
I recently came across a website that I found somewhat helpful and I pass it on to you. Check out http://geezerguff.com for a good read and lots of helpful information and big laughs. One helpful contribution is their subdivision of adulthood into three categories: "Whippers" (as in "whippersnappers") - ages 13-30, "Greenies" - ages 31-49, and "Edgers" - ages 50-59. They also offer a carefully reasoned argument about where the lines should be drawn between the aforementioned divisions of advanced old age; namely, coot, geezer, and codger. However, I was somewhat disappointed by the fact that the authors of that blogsite completely overlook the other obvious categories of fogy, fossil, old fart, old goat, senile old fool, and vegetable. Obviously, more research needs to be done.
Oh, I almost forgot. The old guys that wrote that article define "geezer" as 60-75 years, "codger" as 76-99, and "coot" as 100 on up. I don't know how they arrived at these conclusions but you can decide for yourself.
Me? I'm tired and am going to go lay down and take my morning nap and dream about the good ol' days back when I was a YOUNG BUCK.
Committed to the science of elderly studies,
Mike
Recently one of my friends celebrated a birthday. On that occasion he remarked, "Yep. I've now crossed over from being just an old codger to officially being an old coot."
His remark started me thinking. Just where are the lines that determine what we should call people? Specifically, how do you know if a guy is a codger, a coot, a geezer, or just an ol' fart? Where are the lines of demarcation? At what age do you move from one to the other? These kind of questions keep me up at night.
At the front end of human existence it is somewhat easier to sort out. We are born and for the first little while we are referred to as "the baby" or "the infant," as in "Shut up and quit playing those bongo drums or you're going to wake up THE BABY!" That's the first stage. Babies just lay there doing nothing, looking like ugly little pink prunes for the first few weeks. Eventually they become "cuddlers." That's when they start to have some personality of their own and like to cuddle on your lap and play with your nose or rip off your glasses. The other name for them at this stage is "rug rats," as in, "Hey lady, your RUG RAT is chewing on my pants cuff again."
The next stage is "toddler." That comes when the little booger figures out how to pull himself up by holding on to something then lets go and "toddles" across the floor, much to the joy and amazement of his parents, grandparents, family friends, etc. The "toddler" stage lasts until the little guy really gets it up and moving. At that point he becomes just a "little kid." This stage lasts for quite a while, several years. In fact, it goes up until the "kid" hits 13. At that point he crosses the line into what will define him for the next 7 years--he's a "teenager." But there's no problem there. You at least know what to call him, and you have a good explanation for the insanity that he starts to exhibit. You say to your wife, "Well, what do you expect, Mildred? He's just a gol-darn TEENAGER and he acts just like your brother, Rudy, used to."
After 19 comes 20. You're no longer a "teenager" but you're also not yet an "adult." It's a weird age. You can be drafted into a war and sent off to die in a country whose name you can't pronounce but you can't go to the tavern to drown your sorrows. It's like the Twilight Zone for a year there. But then you turn 21 and are officially a full-blown, no-holds-barred "adult," and you stay that way for many years. Now I must stop for just a minute to take up term that has never been closely defined. One will occasionally hear the title "young buck" used to refer to guys anywhere between 19 and about 28 but the lines are fuzzy on both ends of the thing. I personally think that more research needs to be done to nail this thing down so that we don't use the term incorrectly.
"Adulthood" goes on interminably--through your 20s, your 30s, your 40s, and your 50s. Everything is the same, year after endless year. Oh sure, in your late 50s you start to lose hair on your head and gain it in your ears, eyebrows, and nostrils but other than that things stay pretty much the same. But then you hit 60. POW! That's when it hits you--"I'm getting really old."
I recently came across a website that I found somewhat helpful and I pass it on to you. Check out http://geezerguff.com for a good read and lots of helpful information and big laughs. One helpful contribution is their subdivision of adulthood into three categories: "Whippers" (as in "whippersnappers") - ages 13-30, "Greenies" - ages 31-49, and "Edgers" - ages 50-59. They also offer a carefully reasoned argument about where the lines should be drawn between the aforementioned divisions of advanced old age; namely, coot, geezer, and codger. However, I was somewhat disappointed by the fact that the authors of that blogsite completely overlook the other obvious categories of fogy, fossil, old fart, old goat, senile old fool, and vegetable. Obviously, more research needs to be done.
Oh, I almost forgot. The old guys that wrote that article define "geezer" as 60-75 years, "codger" as 76-99, and "coot" as 100 on up. I don't know how they arrived at these conclusions but you can decide for yourself.
Me? I'm tired and am going to go lay down and take my morning nap and dream about the good ol' days back when I was a YOUNG BUCK.
Committed to the science of elderly studies,
Mike
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Season's Greetings, Happy Holidays, or Merry Christmas
Hello faithful readers, few though you may be,
Once again it is that season of the year when people fight over how we should greet one another. There are those traditionalists who staunchly believe that the only appropriate December greeting is "Merry Christmas." Others, of a more politically correct persuasion prefer to go with "Happy Holidays," a safer option in case the person being greeted turns out to be a Jew, a liberal African American, a Buddhist, a Muslim, or some other breed of cats.
While I personally like to hear "Merry Christmas" I don't think it is worth arguing over. If someone in a store wishes me "Season's Greetings" or "Happy Holidays" I am going to accept their kind sentiments and respond, "...and to you as well. Thank you," rather than hurl back a harsh "...and a very Merry Christmas to you too!" as some Christians feel obligated to do in order to set people straight. I think that is downright rude.
I've observed that there is a tremendous amount of ignorance on the part of Christians about the celebration of Christ's birth. For one thing, most of the world celebrates the birth of Jesus on December 25th, not because that is when the actual event occurred but because it is the date that was mandated by the Roman Catholic Church centuries ago. The date that is commemorated by the Orthodox Churches is January 7th, which is equally off base. In reality, the date the western world uses for the Advent Celebration was chosen to overwrite and sanitize a pagan Roman holiday called Saturnalia, which commemorated the winter solstice and the birth of the sun god.
Many Bible scholars believe that Jesus was born toward the end of September before the weather turned cold. They base this on the time of John the Baptist's birth, six months before Jesus was born. Others believe that Jesus' birth actually occurred in the Spring of the year, probably in late March or early April, during the lambing season when the shepherds were staying out all night with their flocks in order to help the ewes in their lambing. The climate of Israel is similar to the climates of say, Los Angeles, CA or Dallas, TX. December and January are the coldest months in Israel and in the mountainous region of Bethlehem the winter temperatures range from 30–50° degrees Fahrenheit. In other words, it gets cold there in the winter. One thing is for sure, no shepherd in his right mind would sleep on the ground out in a field in the month of December. All that to say... I don't know exactly when Jesus was born but let's be honest with ourselves and admit that our celebration of the Lord's birth in December is off schedule to say the least. But that is only half of the problem.
The word "Christmas" is a compound word derived from "Christ-Mass." Again, that harks back to Roman Catholic roots. The word Christmas comes from “Cristes Maesse”, an Old English phrase that means “Mass of Christ.” Now that is starting to creep me out! As a dyed-in-the-wool Protestant/Baptist anything with the word "mass" attached to it is suspect from the get-go. "Mass" is strictly a Catholic word and is not part of my theology. On page 537 of The Catholic Encyclopedia we read, “In the Christian law, the supreme sacrifice is that of the Mass… The supreme act of worship consists essentially in an offering of a worthy victim to God, the offering made by a proper person, as a priest, the destruction of the victim.” Notice the word, “victim” used twice in this passage. The Latin word for victim is “hostia” from which the word “host” is derived. The Mass, by definition, is a sacrifice involving a victim. That makes “Christ-Mass” a death sacrifice. That's messed up! December 25th is supposed to be a celebration of His birth, not a commemoration of His death.
Then when you stick the word "Merry" to "Christ-Mass" it gets even weirder. My Webster's New World Dictionary--Second College Edition defines "merry" as: "(1) full of fun and laughter; lively and cheerful; gay; mirthful. (2) conducive to fun and laughter; festive." It seems inappropriate to tie the word "merry" to a commemoration of Christ's death, which is what "Christ-Mass" is. Does that make sense?
So what are our other options? "Happy Holidays" might be a better bet. The modern word "holiday" is a compound word derived from the Middle English word "holidei" meaning "holy day." Now I can get on board with that! The celebration of the Advent of Messiah is a Holy Day in my opinion, not because it falls on December 25th or because it is tied to some Catholic Mass, but because it is the recognition that about 2,000 years ago God broke into our time and space world and clothed Himself with human flesh and lived among us for 30+ years to show us how much He really loves us. In theology we call that event "The Incarnation." The word "advent" simply means coming, or arrival.
God showed up dressed in a baby suit. Jesus was born in Bethlehem, a little backwater town in a backwater country, born to a peasant couple with no place to even spend the night. Yet a few years later He went to the cross and became my Savior, and that is worthy of a big celebration! You can call it "Christmas," "Holy Day," "Advent," or "Happy Birthday, Jesus, Day" and I'll still celebrate it because it is Good News, no matter how you look at it. That's what I think.
Happy to be greeted at all, no matter what words you use :)
Mike
Once again it is that season of the year when people fight over how we should greet one another. There are those traditionalists who staunchly believe that the only appropriate December greeting is "Merry Christmas." Others, of a more politically correct persuasion prefer to go with "Happy Holidays," a safer option in case the person being greeted turns out to be a Jew, a liberal African American, a Buddhist, a Muslim, or some other breed of cats.
While I personally like to hear "Merry Christmas" I don't think it is worth arguing over. If someone in a store wishes me "Season's Greetings" or "Happy Holidays" I am going to accept their kind sentiments and respond, "...and to you as well. Thank you," rather than hurl back a harsh "...and a very Merry Christmas to you too!" as some Christians feel obligated to do in order to set people straight. I think that is downright rude.
I've observed that there is a tremendous amount of ignorance on the part of Christians about the celebration of Christ's birth. For one thing, most of the world celebrates the birth of Jesus on December 25th, not because that is when the actual event occurred but because it is the date that was mandated by the Roman Catholic Church centuries ago. The date that is commemorated by the Orthodox Churches is January 7th, which is equally off base. In reality, the date the western world uses for the Advent Celebration was chosen to overwrite and sanitize a pagan Roman holiday called Saturnalia, which commemorated the winter solstice and the birth of the sun god.
Many Bible scholars believe that Jesus was born toward the end of September before the weather turned cold. They base this on the time of John the Baptist's birth, six months before Jesus was born. Others believe that Jesus' birth actually occurred in the Spring of the year, probably in late March or early April, during the lambing season when the shepherds were staying out all night with their flocks in order to help the ewes in their lambing. The climate of Israel is similar to the climates of say, Los Angeles, CA or Dallas, TX. December and January are the coldest months in Israel and in the mountainous region of Bethlehem the winter temperatures range from 30–50° degrees Fahrenheit. In other words, it gets cold there in the winter. One thing is for sure, no shepherd in his right mind would sleep on the ground out in a field in the month of December. All that to say... I don't know exactly when Jesus was born but let's be honest with ourselves and admit that our celebration of the Lord's birth in December is off schedule to say the least. But that is only half of the problem.
The word "Christmas" is a compound word derived from "Christ-Mass." Again, that harks back to Roman Catholic roots. The word Christmas comes from “Cristes Maesse”, an Old English phrase that means “Mass of Christ.” Now that is starting to creep me out! As a dyed-in-the-wool Protestant/Baptist anything with the word "mass" attached to it is suspect from the get-go. "Mass" is strictly a Catholic word and is not part of my theology. On page 537 of The Catholic Encyclopedia we read, “In the Christian law, the supreme sacrifice is that of the Mass… The supreme act of worship consists essentially in an offering of a worthy victim to God, the offering made by a proper person, as a priest, the destruction of the victim.” Notice the word, “victim” used twice in this passage. The Latin word for victim is “hostia” from which the word “host” is derived. The Mass, by definition, is a sacrifice involving a victim. That makes “Christ-Mass” a death sacrifice. That's messed up! December 25th is supposed to be a celebration of His birth, not a commemoration of His death.
Then when you stick the word "Merry" to "Christ-Mass" it gets even weirder. My Webster's New World Dictionary--Second College Edition defines "merry" as: "(1) full of fun and laughter; lively and cheerful; gay; mirthful. (2) conducive to fun and laughter; festive." It seems inappropriate to tie the word "merry" to a commemoration of Christ's death, which is what "Christ-Mass" is. Does that make sense?
So what are our other options? "Happy Holidays" might be a better bet. The modern word "holiday" is a compound word derived from the Middle English word "holidei" meaning "holy day." Now I can get on board with that! The celebration of the Advent of Messiah is a Holy Day in my opinion, not because it falls on December 25th or because it is tied to some Catholic Mass, but because it is the recognition that about 2,000 years ago God broke into our time and space world and clothed Himself with human flesh and lived among us for 30+ years to show us how much He really loves us. In theology we call that event "The Incarnation." The word "advent" simply means coming, or arrival.
God showed up dressed in a baby suit. Jesus was born in Bethlehem, a little backwater town in a backwater country, born to a peasant couple with no place to even spend the night. Yet a few years later He went to the cross and became my Savior, and that is worthy of a big celebration! You can call it "Christmas," "Holy Day," "Advent," or "Happy Birthday, Jesus, Day" and I'll still celebrate it because it is Good News, no matter how you look at it. That's what I think.
Happy to be greeted at all, no matter what words you use :)
Mike
Friday, November 27, 2009
Something New Has Been Added
Hello crazy friends and twisted relatives,
I recently started a new blog that you might want to check out. Several people have asked me recently if there is any way to post my Sunday messages on this blog. I tried to figure out a way, but came to the conclusion that it would be simpler to start a new blog specifically for posting my sermons. So.... that is what I did. It is called "Mike's Messages." Catchy title, don't you think?
Anyway, feel free to check it out at... http://sellwoodmessages.blogspot.com My plan is to update it every Monday morning with my sermon from Sunday. That way, if you have to miss a service and want to know what the sermon was about it will be there for you. I am an expository preacher. That means I preach through whole books of the Bible and go verse by verse through the text. I'm not a topical preacher. Because of that if you miss a Sunday you miss part of the story. Up until Thanksgiving I have been teaching through the Gospel of Mark. We will resume that series after the first of the new year.
I will plan to use this blog for the same kind of random insanity that you have come to expect from me. Anyway, I love you all.
Your crazypants friend,
Mike
I recently started a new blog that you might want to check out. Several people have asked me recently if there is any way to post my Sunday messages on this blog. I tried to figure out a way, but came to the conclusion that it would be simpler to start a new blog specifically for posting my sermons. So.... that is what I did. It is called "Mike's Messages." Catchy title, don't you think?
Anyway, feel free to check it out at... http://sellwoodmessages.blogspot.com My plan is to update it every Monday morning with my sermon from Sunday. That way, if you have to miss a service and want to know what the sermon was about it will be there for you. I am an expository preacher. That means I preach through whole books of the Bible and go verse by verse through the text. I'm not a topical preacher. Because of that if you miss a Sunday you miss part of the story. Up until Thanksgiving I have been teaching through the Gospel of Mark. We will resume that series after the first of the new year.
I will plan to use this blog for the same kind of random insanity that you have come to expect from me. Anyway, I love you all.
Your crazypants friend,
Mike
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Adoration of the Living God Most High
Hello all you crazy music lovers,
I sift through a lot of songs looking for keepers. Christian songwriters are a dime-a-dozen these days and a lot of the stuff they put out doesn't impress me much, especially for use in a church service. Many of the songs are ME-oriented rather than GOD-oriented. Some of the songs sound like silly camp ditties. Others are too darned complicated for congregational singing. Still other songs are pitched so high or so low or have a range so vast that they can only be sung by trained professionals in tight pants with Italian last names.
However, once in a while I come across a song that gets past my defenses and under my skin. I found this song not long ago and it is my current favorite. Our worship team is learning it so that we can teach it to the congregation. You may already know it but the video makes it especially meaningful. I hope you like it, too. The lyrics were written by Rick Founds, who also wrote "Lord, I Lift Your Name on High." The music was a combined effort by Rhesa Siregar, Paul Gentry, and Elton Smith. This recording was done by the group, Azimuth (www.azimuthmusic.com).
Enjoy!
Worshiping along with you,
Mike
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Politically incorrect and loving it...
Hello to all you God-loving, pistol-packin' crazy people,
My wacky sister-in-law from Wyoming, Deirdre, sent me this picture and I just have to share it with you. I don't know where it came from so I can't give credit where credit is due but it is priceless, and funny. Moreover, it expresses my own radical sentiments beautifully.
Unfortunately, I can't make the picture big enough for you to read the sign clearly, but what it says is...
My Next Door Neighbor wants to BAN all GUNS!
Their house is NOT ARMED!
Out of RESPECT for their opinions I promise NOT to use MY GUNS to PROTECT THEM.
Still preachin', prayin', laughin', and packin',
Mike
My wacky sister-in-law from Wyoming, Deirdre, sent me this picture and I just have to share it with you. I don't know where it came from so I can't give credit where credit is due but it is priceless, and funny. Moreover, it expresses my own radical sentiments beautifully.
Unfortunately, I can't make the picture big enough for you to read the sign clearly, but what it says is...
My Next Door Neighbor wants to BAN all GUNS!
Their house is NOT ARMED!
Out of RESPECT for their opinions I promise NOT to use MY GUNS to PROTECT THEM.
Still preachin', prayin', laughin', and packin',
Mike
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
A humble witness worthy of honor
Hello my equally twisted friends,
I came across this story and decided to pass it on. Pakistan is one of the most difficult places in the world to be openly Christian. Many of our brothers and sisters have died there in recent years for no other reason than that they loved and served the Lord Jesus Christ in a country that is predominately Muslim and hostile to the Gospel. This CNN video is about one humble Christian janitor who gave up his life to protect people who do not love our Christ and who do not understand our faith. Watch the video and then I'll have a comment or two on the other side.
Jesus said, "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). The man in this story gave up his life to protect the lives of many young women who would have surely gone out into a Christless, hopeless eternity if it were not for him. He was a Christian hero--pure and simple.
Mike
I came across this story and decided to pass it on. Pakistan is one of the most difficult places in the world to be openly Christian. Many of our brothers and sisters have died there in recent years for no other reason than that they loved and served the Lord Jesus Christ in a country that is predominately Muslim and hostile to the Gospel. This CNN video is about one humble Christian janitor who gave up his life to protect people who do not love our Christ and who do not understand our faith. Watch the video and then I'll have a comment or two on the other side.
Jesus said, "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends" (John 15:13). The man in this story gave up his life to protect the lives of many young women who would have surely gone out into a Christless, hopeless eternity if it were not for him. He was a Christian hero--pure and simple.
Mike
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